Have you ever used a sales tactic because someone told you it “works,” even though it didn’t feel aligned with you?
After more than 25 years in sales and over a decade teaching relationship-based selling, there are a few sales tactics I’ve quietly removed from my sales conversations.
Some of these shifts happened intentionally. Others evolved naturally over time through a deeper understanding of what creates trust, strengthens rapport, and leads to healthier long-term client relationships.
The interesting thing about selling is that there are a lot of strategies that technically “work.” There are tactics that create urgency, pressure people into decisions, or make buyers feel emotionally cornered enough to say yes.
That has never been the kind of sales approach Sales Maven has used.
At the core of everything taught in relationship-based selling is this idea: rapport first, relationship always.
The longer Sales Maven has been in business, the more important that philosophy has become. Here are five things to no longer do in sales conversations and why these changes make selling feel more natural, more effective, and far more aligned with the type of client relationships you want to build.
Never Make the Client Feel Wrong
One of the quickest ways to damage rapport is to make a client feel embarrassed, foolish, or somehow “less than” during a conversation.
Sometimes it can feel tempting to point out exactly what someone is doing wrong in their business or why their current strategy isn’t working. While there may be moments where direct feedback is appropriate, there’s a difference between offering guidance and creating shame.
Instead of putting someone on the spot, you could share stories about clients who were in similar situations, what they were struggling with, and what shifted for them.
Stories create connection where shame creates defensiveness.
Recently, there was a social media post implying that it should feel embarrassing for someone to still be using a particular tool or strategy if they wanted to be viewed as a “real business owner.” The tone felt incredibly shaming.
Fear and embarrassment might capture attention online, and they rarely create trust. People are much more likely to move forward when they feel respected and supported.
Don’t Make Yourself the Butt of the Joke Either
A lot of people use self-deprecating humor as a way to connect. In personal relationships, that can absolutely work. In sales conversations, however, it can unintentionally undermine trust. Constantly making yourself the joke can diminish your credibility.
People are often seeking expertise. When you constantly downplay your expertise or mock your own abilities, buyers may begin questioning their impression of you.
There are many ways to build connection that don’t involve minimizing your value or authority. You can stay approachable and relatable while still allowing people to trust your expertise.
Don’t Tell People What They Think or Feel
This type of language shows up all the time in sales and marketing like: “I know what you’re thinking.” or, “I know how you feel.”
While those phrases are often intended to create connection, they can actually trigger resistance.
One concept in sales is something called polarity response. This is the internal reaction people have when they feel like someone is making assumptions about them.
The moment somebody says: “I know what you’re thinking…” many people immediately think: “No, you don’t.”
That’s why asking questions tends to work better than making assumptions.
Rather than saying: “I know how you feel about this,” a better approach might be: “What are your thoughts on this?” or “How does this feel to you?”
Questions invite people into the conversation where assumptions can unintentionally shut people down.
This small language shift creates more respect, more curiosity, and stronger sales conversations overall.
Shame Shouldn’t Be a Sales Strategy
There are sales strategies built around amplifying fear, increasing pressure, or making people feel like their entire future will collapse if they don’t buy immediately.
And yes, some of those tactics probably work in certain situations, yet relationship-based selling requires a different approach.
The goal isn’t to shame someone into making a decision.
Instead, sales conversations should leave people feeling respected and supported, even if they choose not to move forward.
Over the years, many clients have returned after months or even years because the relationship remained intact.
One client recently came back after six or seven years away. Life circumstances had changed, and when the timing became right again, she returned.
That only happens when people feel safe leaving the conversation and safe returning to it later.
Business can feel hard sometimes. Getting new clients can feel stressful. Rejection still stings occasionally, even after years of experience.
At the same time, fear of hearing “no” should never become an excuse to compromise your integrity.
Convincing People to Buy Isn’t the Goal
This final point gets to the heart of relationship-based selling.
The role of a salesperson isn’t to convince somebody to buy.
Instead, there are three things that need to be true for a sale to make sense: First, the person needs to have a genuine need. Second, there needs to be a solution that meets that need. Third, there needs to be permission to put an offer in front of them. That’s it.
The real job is to ask thoughtful questions, understand what’s happening for the other person, and determine whether there’s alignment between their needs and the expertise being offered.
If those three things are in place, selling becomes much easier for everyone involved because there's less pressure, less convincing and less chasing.
The conversation becomes collaborative instead of transactional.
Relationship-Based Selling Creates Better Long-Term Results
These shifts may not sound groundbreaking on the surface, yet they fundamentally changed the approach to sales conversations.
Selling became less exhausting and clients became more trusting. Conversations became more collaborative. And most importantly, businesses became built on relationships instead of pressure.
If sales tactics feel uncomfortable or manipulative consider experimenting with a different approach.
There’s no need to shame, pressure or convince people.
Rapport first. Relationship always.
That philosophy has served clients and businesses incredibly well over the years.
For more on this, tune in to Episode 327 of the podcast: Things I Don't Do When Selling
Or watch it here on YouTube:
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